Understanding

At the time, I couldn't completely grasp what you meant. I could appreciate it for it's honesty, yes. But grasp it and know the true meaning, no. Simply, I had never really been there. Perhaps I hadn't had that someone to whom everyone else paled in comparison. I truly believe that each individual in your life leaves some sort of trace, therefore you inevitably compare new friends and loves to those from your past. It's only fair and only human. If you don't compare, how can you know when you've found someone worth placing on that top pedestal? Exactly. Comparison is simply part of the game.

Only recently did I discover the level to which this can go. We automatically compare the obvious, in-your-face things; maybe for someone it's a physical difference. It's the expectation for subtle actions that catches you at your weakest, most vulnerable moments. Unfair expectations that can't be met because only he would smile that way as he listened to you speak; only he had a story for every song; only he would push you further into honesty and confidence; only he made you feel as if you were the only person in the room. Suddenly, those actions aren't made by someone new. And it's unfair. It's unfair on the new people, unfair to be suddenly expected to do things foreign to their personality. It's unfair to you to know greatness and have it slip between your fingers.

Again, it's all a part of life and it will continue as long as we're still breathing. This isn't my first comparison, although it's crushingly felt that way, and it certainly won't be my last. I can only hope someone will come along who magically wipes the expectations from my mind.

'Tis the Season

Thanksgiving is a mere four days away. I love Thanksgiving. For some reason, though, all I want is to decorate for Christmas! Bring on the holly, tinsel, and lights! Okay, I don't use tinsel and rarely use holly (can you blame me, it's sharp!), but let the festivities begin. It's becoming more and more difficult to ignore the constant barrage of holiday decorations in stores, movies on television, and commercials advertising a wide array of gifts. I have to admit, I'm weakening... I refuse to give in yet! I must wait until Friday.

In the meantime, I can make a list of the holiday movies I plan on watching while decorating my REAL tree, drinking eggnog (possibly spiked?), and hanging mistletoe. Feel free to let me know if I should add any others to my movie extravaganza...
Christmas Vacation
Elf
Love Actually
Home Alone ("Buzz, your girlfriend... Woof!")
The Holiday
How the Grinch Stole Christmas (Original of course!)
A Muppet's Christmas Carol
A Christmas Story (still have never seen it... I know...)
Rudolph the Red-Nosed Reindeer

Bored, and doing a MySpace Survey... Ouch.

Start it off with, are you available?
Yes.
Do you like to have long hair or short hair?
It changes, but I'm growing it long now.
How was your Friday?
Nothing exceptional, volunteering and work... woot
What were you doing at 4am this morning?
Sleeping
Have you had alcohol in the last 48 hours?
No.
Who's the last person you called a whore?
Good question... haha I don't usually call people whores though
What's your favorite kind of chocolate?
Any and all types (although milk tends to triumph over dark)
Do you have a favorite school memory?
There are so many, what grade? haha
What are you listening to at the moment?
Biggest Loser on NBC
Do you have dead flowers in your room?
Haha yeah, it was on my list of things to toss today... note to self: throw out dead flowers!
Is there something you wish you could tell someone?
Always.
When was the last time someone made you nervous?
Recently, it's always nerve-wrecking hanging out with someone for the first time.
Could you go out in public looking like you do now?
Haha I could but not preferably... pjs are frowned upon at my age.
Will tomorrow be a good day?
I'm always hopeful.
Next time you will kiss someone?
It'll be a surprise.
Did anything brighten up your day today?
Eh, not particularly.
Do you hate Winter?
As long as there's snow, Winter is great :)
Did your last kiss mean anything?
Honestly, no.
Who was the last person you had a phone conversation for more than 20 minutes with?
It's safe to say Mom (cumulatively), but going far enough back in my phone (haha yes I checked) it was Pilot Matt.
If someone said to you "nice ass" you say?
If I didn't know the person I probably wouldn't say anything, just glare. I'd like to think eyes say a lot.
Your friend kisses the boy/girl you like, what do you do?
Depends on how serious I am about the boy, just a crush I'd be bummed but I could recognize that it's not the end of the world.
Last thing you said out loud?
Something along the lines of "goodnight" or "see you in the morning" or "love you, too" (saying bye to Mom haha)
What do you want right this second?
I really want to finish redecorating the apartment, but I need a very specific type of screw to put up my shelf... grrr
When you scribble on paper, what do you scribble?
Sign my name or draw swirls
Anyone pissing you off?
Yes.
Can I have your number?
Haha, anything in it for me?
Your mood?
Fine, actually inspired thanks to Biggest Loser!
Honestly, who was the last person to tell you that they love you?
Mom
Does it matter to you if your boyfriend/​​​​​​girlfriend drinks?
No, as long as it doesn't become a problem.
Do you find piercings attractive?
I didn't before, recently my feelings have changed.
Who was the last person you talked to in person?
Mom (wow, see a trend here? lol) and her friend Phyllis
Did you reject or accept your last friend request?
What a coincidence, I just accepted someone!
Are you currently wanting any piercings or tattoos?
I would love another tattoo, but what and where?!
How many cigarettes have you smoked today?
Ew, zero!
Do you have a hard time admitting you're wrong?
It took me a while to admit it but yes, I'm stubborn.
Have you ever kissed underneath the stars?
Yes...
Would you take someone back who cheated on you?
I can't say yes or no, I haven't had to face that decision before. Who knows what the circumstance could be?
If you took a drug test right now, would you pass?
Yes.
What color is your ipod or mp3 player?
Black
Do you give out second chances way to easily?
I do, I'm trying to work on that.
Ever stayed up all night on the phone?
I've stayed up late on the phone, but not all night (that I can remember).
What's the last thing someone said to you?
"Sleep tight" haha
How do you feel about smoking?
It doesn't bother me anymore... I guess working in a restaurant will do that to you.
Where did you get the shirt you're wearing?
ORR Drama, apparently I'm going old-school tonight
Are you happy?
Most of the time
Have you ever had a pet fish?
Once, they were given as gifts to all of the people in my CCD.
What's on your wish list for your birthday?
No clue, I'm pretty easy to please.
Does the future make you more nervous or excited?
Maybe anxious is the way to put it, a little bit of both
Did you kiss or hug anyone today?
Hugs
Do you believe that everything happens for a reason?
I think you have to, otherwise how can you make it through certain situations?
How many kids do you wanna have?
2 or 3
Last time you cried?
Sometime last week, maybe? I'm sure it wasn't anything major.
What were you doing this morning at 7am?
Volunteering at Rochester's Council on Aging
Where have you lived throughout your life?
Rochester, Marion, Boston, London
Where were you Friday night?
At the Kinsale Inn
Do you have any piercings?
Two in each ear
Closest blue object to you?
A coaster... made from a tile... that I took from a wedding I worked... hehe
Where will you be in an hour?
Sadly, my guess is bed!
Have you ever been in a really big fight with a best friend?
Do 4th grade fights count? (sorry, Aimee!)
Do you have a best friend to lean on?
Absolutely, and I'm so thankful
Name something you CANNOT wait for?
A real job, at least a real direction
Who's making you feel the way you are right now?
Umm... me?
Have you ever felt replaced?
Yes.
Where were you at 11pm last night?
In bed, today was an early day!
How many hours did you sleep last night?
6 1/2ish
Are you the same person as you were at the beginning of 2008?
Hopefully I'm smarter
Do you cook?
I love to cook!
What's the closest red object to you?
Mi telefono
What posters do you have on your wall?
I've moved on from posters... there are plenty of framed photos though!
Who was the last person you spoke to on the phone for over an hour?
Brian
Are you afraid of falling in love?
No... more afraid of not
When was the last time you saw your dad?
Last Wednesday
Can you cook mac 'n cheese?
Sure, yummm!
Who was the last person you had a phone call with?
Mom (really, this is slightly upsetting haha)
Do you laugh enough?
I laugh plenty!
Look to your right, what is there?
My side table decorated with my new Marshall's purchases from today :)
Were you happy when you woke up today?
Meh, not thrilled to be "rising and shining" at 5:30am
Does it matter to you if your boyfriend/​girlfriend smokes?
No, as long as he smokes outside
Where is your phone?
To my right
Do you need to say anything to anyone?
Yes.
Who was the last person you had an argument with?
Hmm, I can't really remember. Maybe yesterday when I had a slight tiff with one of the 4th graders who didn't want to focus... ?
What are you currently doing besides this?
Watching Biggest Loser (but you already knew that)
Any plans for tomorrow?
Nothing set in stone, but I do have to make a stop at my dad's at least!
How has this week been?
Somewhat busy, nothing thrilling
Is someone mad at you right now?
I hope not, but I don't know
Are you keeping a big secret right now?
Yes.
Do you always answer your phone?
If I'm available, 99.9% of the time
How long can you go without your phone?
I would feel slightly lost at first, but I'm sure I could last as long as necessary.
Did you like 2009?
A lot of good has happened and I'm looking forward to what the remainder of the year has to offer.

Lucky

I've had Crohn's for years. Actually, I hardly remember a time before Crohn's. But it's never bothered me, just another part of life. It has merely meant the occasional trip to the doctor's, IV treatments every other month, and an endless supply of "I have a disease"-punch lines (you always have to laugh in life!). For the longest time, I didn't quite grasp the potential severity of the disease. My parents always seemed more concerned than I.

Recently, however, I've heard of two separate Crohn's cases, both close to home, eye-opening, and humbling. A girl a few years older than I and a boy in my sister's class (the same age I was when diagnosed) both underwent colectomies in the past month. To put it bluntly, that's some scary stuff. They both have lived through more than I could imagine and have made me realize just how fortunate I am.

On that note, I figured I might as well show some photos from a very fun Halloween at the Inn. Enjoy!