Understanding

At the time, I couldn't completely grasp what you meant. I could appreciate it for it's honesty, yes. But grasp it and know the true meaning, no. Simply, I had never really been there. Perhaps I hadn't had that someone to whom everyone else paled in comparison. I truly believe that each individual in your life leaves some sort of trace, therefore you inevitably compare new friends and loves to those from your past. It's only fair and only human. If you don't compare, how can you know when you've found someone worth placing on that top pedestal? Exactly. Comparison is simply part of the game.

Only recently did I discover the level to which this can go. We automatically compare the obvious, in-your-face things; maybe for someone it's a physical difference. It's the expectation for subtle actions that catches you at your weakest, most vulnerable moments. Unfair expectations that can't be met because only he would smile that way as he listened to you speak; only he had a story for every song; only he would push you further into honesty and confidence; only he made you feel as if you were the only person in the room. Suddenly, those actions aren't made by someone new. And it's unfair. It's unfair on the new people, unfair to be suddenly expected to do things foreign to their personality. It's unfair to you to know greatness and have it slip between your fingers.

Again, it's all a part of life and it will continue as long as we're still breathing. This isn't my first comparison, although it's crushingly felt that way, and it certainly won't be my last. I can only hope someone will come along who magically wipes the expectations from my mind.